Ok - it was never Peru my friends. It was just - the tropics. Do I have a particular affiliation with the people here or the voices - the sounds the words or the cultural mixes - no I have to tell you why I came here and it might - even blow my own mind a bit further open cos I needed that. A rest.
A rest
I honestly thought I would just never endingly have to provide and produce something always till my life’s end in the way of - art or music or phylosophies - I hold that still within me but it is much much smarter than it used to be. I honestly didn’t think I would survive past a certain age and for many reasons - I just - didn’t know how or why - it went tropical.
Things went directly to the tropics. I didn’t see it fit to walk into a world where once again I would be at a table sitting like everyone else, where once again I would have to be asked and groomed and belittled - it actually just was beyond me not cos - I’m smart that way - just cos it was always painful.
Sitting like anyone else at a desk was painful though I always got the best marks - and yeah it was very hard to just breathe that air - be in a car. Be in a relationship - try to - find other fellow people to friend it was just - painful. Pain and more pain.
Bodily or emotional pain also and the cycle continues now - what I Love just - love - love love love about the tropical weather is that all things discontinue
You may argue with me and suggest that it is not "important" there. It is too - dirty, too weak in soul or has not enough energy potential or light and in a way I salute you for being open enough to say it as yeah a few people have mentioned or stated to me as - wait a minute - didn’t I think it was a little too - third world or dropped low for me and I get that.
I did have a chance to go to Europe. I did - sorry. It wasn't tasty enough for me.
If you are like that and you think there is a big difference between the developing and the developed world you can just - drop your plug in here. Cos I just don’t want to feed any more of that hysteria.
Which is better which is worse. Which is more or less developed. Look.
If you -
If you - yes you
Have ever had - a banana or a coconut directly from the tree you were basically sitting under. If you - yes you - dipped your toes into a fresh water pool or if you - you. Went to a part of the world where you didn’t have to pay the price $$$ to stay alive and even - you were able to experience a bit of luxury at a drop of a hat Any Day without having to bend backwards for it you would probably understand me.
The truth is in the culture - and yeah the tropics has it all.
Parasites - yes I still have a huge leishmaniasis bite on my fore arm as I’m writing this and yeah the worms are extraordinarily crazy here in comparison to “home” in NZ or Australia but it is not actually that hard - or that different. You just need to be smart here. You just have to know your way and it is about just - listening hearing the trees. And making it out as you go.
And for me - because I know a life is just a learning cycle for me - for anyone - I would MUCH rather - invest that learning cycle into fathoming myself in new environments than put it to work or to use - creating children or marriage or anything else. I really enjoy - learning through my biology.
Be it a water body or some kind of bug or a treatment for that bug - that stuff is exciting to me.
Am I then - a human experiment. Yes ofcourse. Aren’t you -
It’s just that here in this part of the world they are not doing - what they are doing in the developed world. Which is what I’m thankful for. It is mainly green and lush and very rural and nobody cares.
If people just make it through the day - without any problems they are happy. It is very minimal wage sometimes - which is something I’m in secret awe of. And it is very humbled and humbling and seriously -
When I first came here and I saw the grandmothers at the Pisac markets (sacred valley) I was like - fuck it. This is it.
When you see - an old 90 year old woman - breathtakingly - and magnificently - hoofling it up the mountain in old warn out sandals on bare foot in the winter - you know you have found it.
The fountain of youth? No but probably in a sense - in a way - a long life. A long life.
If you think an old woman is meant to be put behind a little box to just pray off her last few years - you have forgotten yourself. And nothing personal - but if you have parents or grand parents living in this way you know what I mean when - you don’t really know - what to do later.
Cos that’s it. Vacant absent eyes. No smile. Just - a kind of weird washed out approach to life. Blah bla. Wheel chair. Like me kind of . And I know that from hyper vigilance I gotten kind of older…and I would like to see how I can improve.
Learning from the old and the young to - cos I do definitely want to kind of - stick it out in this body
Something I could not imagine doing if I lived in NZ
So the short answer to
Why did you go to the Jungle to live is -
I just wanted to make sure
That I live a long life.
That is that. Because I didn’t want to die anymore. And I needed it. I honestly just needed it.
Pure water from a spring. Cheap groceries. A roof over my head that I pay $270 USD a month for. A husband that doesn’t treat me like a punching bag. A nice healthy wealthy lifestyle that is - cheap sure - but it is magnificent and then that…is probably that.
It’s very simple and basic. I did - have to learn Spanish and I’m still learning that skill. But in the end what can I say -
I wouldn’t in my life change this today. I now have a residency - and a little legal status. I have a bank here. I have a home and the potential of buying more land but that is not like - that suave you know. It’s not like fancy or anything.
The weather will - eat up the fancy - it’s very humble here.
It’s more like….my money works here. And I’m no longer a poor classless brat that deserves to stay home and marry or at least learn how to carry herself in public which was just - a whole bunch of classist bullshit which I simply - did not deserve.
Nobody cares - if you are a great person or if you have a gift. Unless you know how to sass it or class it. I didn’t do either well enough in the West. And I am happy - as I wouldn’t hope to. I have sold myself enough.
And in the end - in the end. Maybe that is that.
I don’t want to go - like my dad from over working either - (he was a really amazing world class jewellery) - and I don’t want to pass the way I imagine my mother’s passing to be.
I want to have maybe - someone there one day. Is that a kid - not really - maybe just a person. It is not necessary to extend my life past this and engrain myself into South American or any other culture base. I am not meant to be here. And that I full heartedly know respect and understand.
But in some innocence I just hope - that I can live free.
Without a task, without a master, without maybe a blog page one day either. Without tv. It is good - without. It is good without clothes. It is good even without those sandals.
You know
It was and will always be good here.
And just look at those people. You can feel their hearts.
Maybe I can’t always predict or feel what they are thinking. But I’m definitely whole here. And maybe in being whole. There is something home. In the end.
And yes in the end -
It might still be about my status race or the power of my bank card. Maybe that is so. Maybe it is so. But I don’t care. There is fine print in every place you go. And for now - that’s alright
Peace
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