The awkwardness of creation.
After my overdose at the beginning of 2015 - yes the one that “woke me up” - I had a lot to dream I guess so I wrote about four albums of music. Nothing special.
To this day I have seven. You can find some of them on YouTube - here is a link.
I mean - I guess what I wanted was to just - do it. Then it felt good to do it. I found a producer by accident - Nick of Suck Music (interesting name yes) but what other type of record label would pick me. It had to be disgusting somehow. As, well - an untidy girl with a unique character - well. Lets just put it in the trash before it gets too mysterious.
And they did.
I suppose that in a sense I was a little unknowing as to what would happen to me after all of this. In the end Nick didn’t want to be friends after I didn’t want to go to bed with him. And I’m lucky it was just that. Could have been worse. I’m glad that bad things happen fast with me and not fester for too long - Scorpio trait.
But apart from all of that yes there are musics and they are still coming. With little to no audience. I mean what do I feel with that. I think I’m just meant to be patient.
In a sense it is not important or was not important for me to be admired and ogled at in the first place. I used to be an exotic dancer. Something I did for over 12 years of my life and I know it might sound - odd. But it never appealed to me to be seen.
In the end it was just - for the sake of having a life. Living in a home one could afford and just having silent joys and happiness. Which means - being alone. Which means not having to go to bed with the same person every night. Not having to think so much. Or pack a reality one didn’t want to pack. It kind of - saved me from life. But that is for another blog.
I mean for the now it is music. And music was born out of sheer boredom and procrastination.
Between people. Between working the night shifts. Between just - stuff. There was this. And I suppose it is one of my babies. I openly do wish that people would hear some of it. As it is very deep stuff. It is just whether or not it is - catchy or hearable. Which I get and it makes me laugh.
And in a way I wish I didn’t do all this stuff. Music - like having a baby - is annoying sometimes. It sticks to you - it’s clammy - it needs to have a face a voice and a word sometimes. It makes sounds and sometimes it cries….there was no other thing that happened. Just me and GarageBand for some time.
I wrote 4 albums in the span of three months.
I just didn’t - need to. That’s the thing.
Music is my little baby
P
Listen on YouTube
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