(Written for the 2022 Peru Retreats)
If you have ever had a bad Ayahuasca trip
And you are returning to fix any residues
That happens – it happened to me too. Sometimes it is true – we have a bad trip once or we just feel we did. Then another shaman and another – we try to fix something. We can’t do it like this here. Maybe you need to move on. But there is a way to do this – I found.
So if you have ever had a bad Ayahuasca experience the better thing is – to allow truth faith and trust to infiltrate your life however you can. Cats and dogs, holy spirits, beings, smelling some pale santo, lighting a candle, hearing the rain. Some of it is very sensory in the beginning and the end of the ceremony
For this reason we will be talking at the retreat of meditation and holding holy space after especially – the medicine – so you get used to the calmness and the lack of awkwardness in the space. If you have ever been made fun of in ceremony or got taken back for “hard talk” by someone we have to resolve that.
So – that means guilt free and happy places for you – calm spaces or family spaces. We can definitely organise that and that is the face of the retreat in a way – a happy calm and safe space to be.
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Safety and spaces
If you are or if you are not taking Ayahuasca – it is important to take a step back before interacting or holding space for someone else. I understand different cultures see this differently but I believe – most things are said before we talk.
So if you can just respect the space others are holding – if you know someone ofcourse you may interact but be careful even about that as normal worldly rules do not apply – that means shaking hands, hugging roughly or having a laugh that is surface or meaningless might sting spike or even hurt someone. We have to be careful as there are very gentle souls in the group I am sure and it is not about just – meaningless chit chat here. We have to be aware of that.
If you can be – be honest – but choose a place and time. If someone is growing through an experience try not to involve and take on their stuff just get real – what have you got to do. And maybe that is not much. Some people do have to act out, to get into a car and drive or to draw a picture, maybe to say a few things. Maybe – that was a very old trauma in there and maybe – they don’t know how to else but to talk or to act. This is ok – but we have to make space for those people. Most of us just want to smile and walk away which is the natural nervous system responding to not wanting to metabolise the same karmic wheel anymore.
So with that means – there is distance and sometimes a bit of silence and stillness – which is needed to actually – not participate – which means to do whatever one will.
That means – you don’t have to act. So – even if you had plans to go to Chazuta that same day – you don’t necessarily feel like you need to – so don’t. Be brave and tell me or someone else so we can freely cancel your plans and refund you somewhat so that – you don’t have to have that grind going on again and again
Totally meaningless – some things might become. So don’t be afraid of this. And it depends on how far you have come in yourself as a soul – you might have maybe not a lot of happiness or joy about things in the end. Because you feel – they were promised things or big things. But most of the passivity or even the sense of distance between things means you broke through a bit – and you now see no hope or point in whatever you were learning through before. So let things go – as they are – because it can’t be undone sometimes.
Lack of interest in something or even somebody is hurtful sometimes but it can bring you up only – not down. So fill the days with what you actually do want to do.
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What do you want to do
I mean we are setting up a certain type of heaven for you there. So – there is a given space, there are nice people, there is something to do always. There is a school of sorts, a school of thought practice or method there – there are good naïve maybe – but open hearts. There is always food in the place or just – a certain rhythm. This is what it’s about. It’s like a coming home and yeah sure – it’s not that flashy or wealthy maybe – but it’s real and it is relevant today.
Here you can learn a lot of things. Whether or not you choose to take the plant medicines – there is always stuff to do places to go and things to discover. Yes you can go on your own even or try something else out – it’s not important how you entertain yourself more than you are genuinely pleased and you feel safe and kind about your choice.
It’s ok to change plans and more than ok to leave if you have to – if you don’t feel understood or if you don’t feel hopeful – don’t dwell on that though – raise your vibration. There will always be ways that we can hold you up and grow you further or help you get along to the right group of people or be in the right place at the right time.
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Respect and appreciation
It is very important to know what to do in the situation that occurs, and it occurs for many people that grow through Ayahuasca or other plants. Disrespect or distance. If you hold a sudden intention to walk away from certain things in your life – it can roll out as a disrespectful or emotionally unstable part of you.
If you suddenly don’t know where to go or you believe you have to be out of certain spaces or people or places at all. We have to find you a way to be stable safe and still. We don’t want to feel – disbelieve here or anger, though sometimes people might. If you have a very different emotional spectrum to anyone else in the game – chances are it’ll start to show or it’ll slowly creep up and sink in. If you don’t have any respect or faith in how things are or you feel distance or difficult about what life is becoming – we are not maybe open to “drive you to safety” though some people will.
There are a lot of people that enjoy motivating eachother and driving eachother to change. Though this is a karmic pursuit – for this person. For this reason (within reason) we don’t just let people pack up and go just in a couple of days after their last ceremony because – this might hurt them later. If you have made a lot of changes and you have drunk a couple of times Ayahuasca you might not be stable or safe enough to just – go to town with your bag, find your own hotel or get on the plane home.
We have to also stress here the importance of being in a foreign land, maybe not speaking the language. This is not Bali or Thailand, this is Peru – that means people don’t speak English here. Most people – 97 percent or so – don’t at all speak any. So we have to understand what to do.
Now – if you are a wild card and you like to be rough – maybe even with you and you want to make some big decisions – which happens – please wait. Now we have to make sure you don’t do anything brash or intense. The better thing to do is to wait it out – if you have a flexible ticket home – this is where you have to fix the date of your flight to another time. Please don’t be fooled by your ambition or sudden raise in confidence as we – don’t want to do this. We want to be careful here now.
The best fact is that you are safe – nobody is asking you for anything. There is always a safe place to be, food to eat, and company. If you want you can call your parents or loved ones ofcourse but – not till later – if you are going through a very emotional or energetic time, sometimes you might overspeak or over share which might sound – intense on the other side. For this reason –
We take your device if you are taking ayahuasca repeatedly –
And make sure you don’t cry on the phone or worry your parents, family, etc.
Because we have to have peace and make significant space to be able to handle the voyage – that doesn’t just have you in it. And then – yes changes come and you have your way. You can go wherever you like from a certain point of self re-association and that’s it. But we have to be very careful. As yes – sometimes just a good day doesn’t mean you are ready. If you are prone to emotional waves or psychosis – you have to be careful and ready to – stop and cancel your booking – if you do not feel safe or emotionally secure to right now travel or function. For this reason –
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Don’t drink too much Ayahuasca
It’s not good to drink twice or three times a week –
For an unstable person
I would even say – it’s no good to drink twice or three times – a month
For an unstable person
So – if you have a family history or your own history of mental illness, violence, drug abuse or trauma – we have to know that first. Which means – you have to sign a document that states – the true details of your voyage so far and what you have been faced with – because not everyone has a joyful “beginning” of sorts – when they get reborn through the Ayahuasca vine.
If you like – you can drink a lot – and yes you can drink many times with us. If you really want you can even ask for a few more weeks or even months together – BUT –
This is not a commune – and is not prepared to be one. Yes we have places to be and people that know eachother. But – when you drink a lot – you become energetically negative – which is very obvious then – even to you. So for this reason Dos Mundos and other centers like that – are prepared to house people that don’t leave for many months, even in some cases years.
Now the main reason we don’t do this here is because – it hurts. It hurts the vine, it hurts you and it hurts everyone around you. You might get hurt more than anyone in the game. Plus it negatively affects your life and your future. And sometimes it can’t be – reeled back in. Meaning – for a person who drunk way too much and way too often (without having enough safety or integration space) there can be karma.
And that karma varies. But – most commonly – people get emotional addiction usually to the shaman or sense of family in the group – or they become “invited” into awful speculative or even promiscuous cycles with one another. Which I have had in my life also – and have witnessed over and over again. This happens in the Shipibo villages too – it happens anywhere. There is another degenerative side to Ayahuasca indeed. For this reason – do not drink without integrating.
And here is a little bit about integration.
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How to regenerate and integrate
So imagine you knocked down a lot of your previous systems – now you have to wait. It’s not just about knocking them down again and again. Yes there are extreme cases.
Cancer is an extreme case, getting off drugs is an extreme case. Wanting to change your life more than ever because of something happening to you recently or before in your life – extreme case but – great case. If you have a big case and you know it – and you feel it more and more – you have to go through maybe quite a lot. But remember. It costs.
No – not just the 70 dollars that we have put into the menu of dreams in this retreat. No – it costs you. It costs you – meaning you have a part of you go. That means – when you repeatedly drink Ayahuasca you loose yourself and you won’t be able to create anew some things you are creating now – so that force or that willpower might start to fade or change into a new form – because you this – try not to do it. But if you are – and you really want change great.
Twice. Don’t do it that many times. You don’t have to be a hero
Yes a lot of people talk about doing it 100 times. I have done it plenty too. But my first time was the one. That was it. We didn’t have to do any more. So – you see in my case there was a lot that happened and maybe had to happen to me because I wanted change so much – because of something that happened to me…but you see – it had to be a smooth slow change – not necessarily a rapid and violent one. Which did land me in hospital. This was in Melbourne with “under cover” and yes – very illegal shaman.
So – in terms of this stuff. And this secret of mine. There is no karma now. It was so many times that I had to drink to metabolise this “gift which I have” which is based in a traumatic situation in my very young and yet unconscious years. Because of this I have had many disorders and yes – illnesses in my life and in my family line but now that I know – why drink again.
So the point is – not to become a shaman you guys – because you loose yourself. But what you can do – is just stop thinking it’s a quest. Like I drink 30 times I solve my life.
No you don’t. But you can make that rabbit hole even bigger. For me yes it did help and I have to say I am grateful. But the previous touch of genius or normality rather – is gone, and replaced by a very polished but mechanical part – which I don’t believe is the best to be. Even though I am very efficient and if you have ever had a psychic session with me – correct…I don’t want to be. As you see – loss of innocence is indeed – hurtful.
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Regaining innocence and just –
Going home. So the best thing is not to drink more than twice if you are smart. If you want you can do this with us – or you can do this elsewhere. The point is to be wise and not to be overwhelmed by these energies or ideas that come later.
We have all a secret, and innocently everyone kind of hurts. Best to be open about this and let the feelings come – enjoy it if it is your first time and let it be maybe the last – or one of the last times if it is not your first. We just have to be not difficult with this and admit
The pain and the shame that – made us in a way – who we are or who we were to be – and not be afraid of ourselves. Just how we are – as who we are. That is the “curse” and the “treasure” of the human world. Ignorance and innocence coupled with shame and deep emotion – and we don’t have to be so madly in love or proud of it but yeah here it is – being the innocent one in the end – after all that.
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